Not sure what actually happens in labour?
Ask most women how labour goes and they'll tell you the beginning and the end. Your waters go, then at some point there's a baby. The middle is a bit of a blur, mostly because nobody has ever sat down and actually explained it.
That middle is where most of the worry sits. It's so much easier to face once you know what's in it.
Before labour starts
In the last few weeks your body is quietly getting ready. You might lose your mucus plug, sometimes called a show, which can be clear, pinkish or streaked with a bit of old blood. You might get tightenings that come and go without building into anything. Some women get a sudden urge to clean the whole house (the nesting thing is real), and some get looser bowels. None of this means labour's about to start. It means things are heading the right way, which could still be days or weeks.
If your waters go before contractions start, ring your maternity unit. They'll want to know the time, the colour and roughly how much.
Early labour
This is the bit that catches people out, because it can be long. Early labour (your midwife might call it the latent phase) is when your cervix softens, thins and starts to open, up to about 4cm. Contractions are often all over the place. Twenty minutes apart, then eight, then fifteen. With a first baby this can go on for many hours, sometimes a day or two on and off.
The best place for most of it is at home, honestly. Eat something, drink, rest between contractions, go to bed if it's night time, put something easy on the telly. Keep the lights low. It's so tempting to time every contraction from the very first one. Try not to, because it makes the whole thing feel twice as long.
When to call
Your maternity unit will give you a triage number. Most will ask you to ring when contractions are regular and strong, often around three in every ten minutes and lasting about a minute, though they'll give you their own guidance and it may be different for a second baby.
Ring straight away, whatever stage you're at, if your waters go, if you have fresh bleeding, if your baby is moving less, or if something just doesn't feel right. You never need a better reason than that.
Established labour
From about 4cm, contractions settle into a pattern and get stronger and closer together, and your cervix carries on opening to 10cm. This is the stage most people picture when they think of labour.
NICE guidance gives an average of around eight hours for this stage with a first baby, unlikely to go past eighteen, and around five hours for later babies. Everyone's different, so take it as a rough picture rather than a timetable.
Centimetres are worth getting your head round too. A vaginal examination tells you where your cervix is at that exact moment. It doesn't tell you how long is left, and plenty of women go from 4cm to 10cm much faster than anyone expected. You can also decline or delay an examination if you'd rather not have one.
Transition
Near the end of the first stage, roughly 8 to 10cm, a lot of women hit a wobble. You might shake, feel sick, go very hot or cold, or announce that you can't do this anymore and you're going home now, thanks. Midwives tend to smile quietly at this point, because it usually means your baby isn't far away. It helps enormously if you and your partner know to expect it.
Pushing
Once your cervix is fully open, your baby moves down through your pelvis. Many women feel a strong urge to bear down that they couldn't stop if they tried, and your body often does a lot of the pushing by itself. Some get a lull first, a rest of anything up to half an hour before the urge kicks in. That's normal, and worth making the most of.
Upright, forward or side-lying positions give your pelvis room. As your baby's head crowns you'll feel stretching and burning. Slowing right down here, with short breaths rather than big pushes, helps your skin stretch and lowers the chance of a tear.
The placenta
After your baby's born, your placenta still needs to come out. You can let it happen naturally, usually within an hour, or have an injection to speed it along, known as a managed third stage. Each has pros and cons, and it's one of those decisions most women have never even heard of until someone asks them in the moment. Well worth deciding ahead.
And then
Assuming all is well, your baby comes up onto your chest, skin to skin, and the first checks can happen right there. That first hour matters so much, for feeding and for both of your nervous systems, and you're entitled to ask for it to be protected.
How I help
In private hypnobirthing we go through all of this in proper detail, with time for every single question, so labour feels like something you recognise as it's happening. Send me a message about private hypnobirthing if you'd like to start.
I'm Aimee, and I run Nurture & Wild. I teach private hypnobirthing in your home around Birmingham and Solihull, or live online, and baby classes at Graft in Kings Heath for afterwards.